Can we prevent child sexual abuse?

The ongoing coverage about alleged peer sexual assaults at St. Michael’s College coincided with a report on CBC’s The Current about teachers’ sexual predation of Ottawa high school students which had recently come to light. These stories took me back more than 25 years to the day I found out that my son’s high school music teacher, Graham Wishart, had sexually assaulted dozens of boys over the years and had finally been charged.

Both stories raised the same issue for me: can we prevent child sexual abuse?

Over the years, I have contended that we cannot.  A person who, for whatever reason, chooses to act on their desire to manipulate a child into sexual activity, will find a way.  However, there are some measures we can take to potentially thwart abuse; and certainly measures we can take so that a child recognizes sexual abuse for what it is – and discloses.

When I started working for Toronto Public Health as a sexual health educator in 1982, sexual abuse was not on our radar.  When we did start learning about it, I found myself deeply interested.  I read several books and kept up to date with journal articles.  We invited experts to do ongoing training.

School programs began to emerge after the establishment of a special committee on child abuse, most notably, Journey from AMU (All Mixed Up).  But there was disagreement about the appropriate age to begin this education and how to measure its success.

Later programs that identified “stranger danger” and encouraged children to “say no, go and tell”, were eventually discredited.  Most children cannot say no to an adult.  In any case, over 90% of offenders are known to the child and often trusted by them.

Eventually, I designed my own lesson plan for grade five children, the last in a series on the changes of puberty, where we discussed what was OK and not OK in touching.  Then I would read a story I had written about a girl who discloses unwanted attention from her mother’s boyfriend.  This lesson plan was adopted by my colleagues.  We sometimes complemented the lesson with a film called, “No More Secrets”.  Over the years, following those classes, several students disclosed to me.  I would then contact Children’s Aid.

My colleagues and I were also running workshops for parents on raising sexually healthy children.  We would encourage them to add dictionary words for genitals to their children’s vocabulary.  I would include the story told by one parent about how she was unable to stop her abuse because she only knew the term “cookie” for her genitals.  When she told a teacher someone wanted to touch her cookie, she was reminded about sharing.

I also discussed the difference between expected and unexpected child sexual exploration.  I encouraged them to tell their children there should never be any secret touching.  I gave them resources from Boost and sometimes listened privately to their own stories.

When the story about Graham Wishart broke, several dynamics went into play.  There was mixed support for the boy who reported, as there was mixed support for Wishart.  Some teachers and parents rallied around this popular music teacher and closed ranks.  Some students did not rally around the boy who disclosed.

What this tells me is that our society was – and continues to be – remiss.  We do not ensure basic education for parents, teachers and children about child sexual abuse: how to recognize it, how it can take place once or over a period of time; and its potential sequelae.  Today, everyone is familiar with the subsequent trauma which affects some people for the rest of their lives.  Residential schools have certainly brought home that message.

Teachers have been told to curtail their physical expressions of encouragement and support to their students for fear of crossing a line.  Perhaps that has made a positive difference (aside from the negative impact on the emotional attachment to their students).  But, in Ontario, the 2015 revised sexual health curriculum, taught under Human Growth and Development, could have made a substantial change.  However, before lesson plans could be devised and implemented, the curriculum was pulled by the current government.  That curriculum included teaching grade one children dictionary words for all body parts.  It included notions of consent from an early age all the way to high school.

Teachers learn very little about sexual health education in their teacher’s college and university programs.  For years, Toronto Public Health sexual health educators played a major role training them to deliver this programming.  Some of us were also asked to do ongoing training for physical education teachers who were often designated to teach this segment of the curriculum.  But some school boards have been so apprehensive of parental backlash to the revised curriculum that they are shying away from this support.

Where does that leave kids?

Ignorance is dangerous.  Education is powerful.  It is incumbent on all of us – parents, educators, teachers and students – to ensure that we fully understand the dynamics of sexual exploitation and its effects.  We do not want to see students engaged in non-consensual behaviour; and we certainly do not want them to re-victimize someone by filming and posting the crime for others’ entertainment.  We do not want to see teachers exploiting vulnerable students; we do want them to listen to a disclosure, react appropriately and report.  We do not want older adolescents or adults to sexually abuse children.  If they recognize their desire to exploit a child, they need support in curbing the desire to act on it.

We may not be able to prevent sexual abuse in all instances, but we have the tools to turn the tide.

Advertisements

Sex ed PSA

This is not an original post.  Ernest Lavventura wrote it on Facebook and I wanted to find a way to publicize it.  If you read my blog on why the conservative approach to sex education does not work, that will provide the context.

Sex Ed PSA:

For the teachers and/or parents concerned with the Ontario government’s ramping up of their anti-sex ed crusade, here are a some ideas:

1. This should not be something health/phys ed teachers deal with alone. Encourage your teacher to organize informal staff meetings to find ways to support the banned curriculum in all other areas of the curriculum so that one teacher does not become the target of the snitch line.

2. The Ontario curriculum cannot be taught in its entirety. There are overall expectations that are expected to be covered. Then there are specific expectations that act as a guideline for how a unit is taught. Creative teachers use some of these specific expectations as a very good starting point, which leads to the next point.

3. Effective teachers integrate information and ideas from across different parts of the curriculum. In fact, the Ontario curriculum is written with tons of cross-curricular opportunities, even related to the health ed curriculum. Keep this in mind with considering Number 1.

4. For example, across the elementary reading curriculum students are expected to read a wide range of culturally diverse texts. Introducing texts with diverse families would certainly satisfy this expectation, which happens to be the FIRST specific expectation of the reading curriculum.

5. Another example is that the homeroom teacher can and should teach responsible internet and social media use. This would make a very good media literacy unit. Polite and responsible online behaviour dovetails nicely into questions of consent. Another media lit project can examine how women/girls are portrayed in the media, which can lead to all sorts of other questions such as how are portrayals of sexuality in the media (such as porn which kids are seeing) can be quite negative and unhealthy.

6. There are all kinds of connections to the birds and the bees in the science curriculum. Try to teach the grade 5 human body strand without allowing anatomically correct vocabulary. Science is not effectively taught through euphemisms!

7. Best of all, no one can make accusations of teaching the revised health curriculum. Nope, I’m just teaching the curriculum.

8. If you do support the 2015 curriculum, explicitly voice support to your teachers, administrators, trustees, MPPs, and other parents. A very quick email will do. We get too many emails these days. [And if you don’t support the 2015 curriculum, good luck to you!]

9. It’s not enough to say you’ll teach this stuff at home. Many parents, like mine, never had these discussions with their kids. Not all kids have the parents comfortable enough to talk about this, hence the need for this stuff in schools.

10. Finally, flood the heck out of that Kellie Leitch-esque snitch line (fortheparents.ca) voicing your support for the revised curriculum. This is where you can send lots of emails.

These are just 10 ideas I brainstormed in about half an hour. There is a lot more teachers and parents can do, so please encourage these kinds of discussions throughout this conflict.

And feel free to share this, change it, or to add your own ideas. Thank you.

 

 

Sex Education: Does the Conservative Approach Protect Children?

A CBC producer contacted me about the Ontario Progressive [sic] Conservative government’s decision to pull the revised 2015 Human Growth and Development curriculum.  In the face of ongoing public outrage, the government has been flip flopping ever since.  The producer asked me what they are proposing with this rollback; and asked about my biggest concerns.

As of this writing, the education minister has made no proposal at all regarding what teachers should offer as sex education in September 2018.  They have given no firm proposals besides a promise to consult widely before establishing a new curriculum.  The 2015 revision was, incidentally, the most consulted upon curriculum document in the province.

It is generally acknowledged that the government is rewarding their social conservative base which wants to “conserve” an ideal, ignoring fundamental changes in our society.

We’ve come a long way

Long before same gender marriage became a reality with the enactment of the Civil Marriage Act on July 20, 2005, Canadians had accepted and even celebrated same gender relationships.  Canadians are becoming used to the concept of transgender children, youth and adults.  They are beginning to understand gender fluidity.

We cannot “conserve” a mythical past where adolescents wait until marriage to have sexual relations, where gay people do not exist, where there is no sexual abuse of children; and where pornography and its related sexual scripts aren’t as common as dirt.

The World Health Organization’s definition of sexual health is the starting point:

 “Sexual health is a state of physical, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality. It requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence.”

 Based on the above definition, if they revert to the 1998 curriculum, the spirit of the 2015 curriculum – providing agency to children and youth – will be lost.

 The spirit of the curriculum

The revised curriculum teaches children starting in grade two, that they can say no.  In this way, they begin to understand the basic concept of their personal rights, which eventually include their sexual rights.  As they develop agency, they also learn that if that line is crossed, they can tell someone and get help.  Because they learned the dictionary words for genitals in grade one, they have the tools to be explicit about their abuse and the permission to do so.

Kids who are beginning to come out to themselves as queer will have learned in grade three that there are invisible differences; and that these include diverse families.

When they learn about self-pleasuring in puberty classes, it deepens the concept that their bodies are their own; and that those bodies can afford them pleasure (notwithstanding the absence of the word “pleasure” from the new curriculum).

Building on these initial concepts, in middle and high school, they learn about online safety, including sharing and posting of sexual comments; and the skills of communication.  They learn that a relationship can be gradually sexualized – that there are higher and lower risk sexual activities.  They learn the value of waiting; and how to protect themselves if they engage in higher risk activities.

Agency means they can make informed decisions.  Parents and politicians opposed to the new curriculum want to keep this agency from them.

Prevention

Glen Canning sees the value of comprehensive sexual health education.  Had there been a good program in Nova Scotia for at least 10 years, he argues, he would still have his daughter.  Rehtaeh Parsons might not have been sexually assaulted, videos of the assault would not have been widely shared for other adolescents’ entertainment; and she would not have killed herself because of the ongoing harassment.

To be clear: we are talking about societal issues across our country.  For example, comprehensive sexual health education as described in the Canadian Guidelines for Sexual Health Education can make an impact on Indigenous communities suffering the ongoing effects of residential schools.  It is one tool which may help them become better equipped to end the cycle of abuse – physical and sexual – preventing more cases of missing and murdered women in their communities.

I am not reaching here.  Comprehensive sexual health education has a profound effect on society as a whole.  If we are going to eradicate rape culture, decrease rates of sexually transmitted infections, put an end to the sexual abuse of children, allow for children’s, youths’ and adults’ full expressions of their sexual selves, we need to start with this most basic concept of agency.

My biggest concern is that the Ontario government wants to roll back gains that have been made to protect our children.  The majority of parents want this education in the schools: the research is clear.  Our opponents would say they are the ones who care about children – and of course they do.  But their methodology is seriously flawed.

Primary prevention is children’s best protection.  Ignorance is not preferable to knowledge.  It’s time social conservatives took their collective heads out of the sand.

 

Porn and sex ed

Listening to CBC’s The Current this morning I had a flashback to one of my earliest experiences teaching a puberty class, some time in the 1980s.

I was answering their written questions, when I came across one about a woman and a horse.  In those days, kids’ access to porn was through magazines and videotapes – you know, those things that were  supposed to be locked up in the cabinet?  If memory serves, I answered the best I could without being too graphic.  I let them know that sexual activities with a person and an animal is called bestiality, which is illegal, because it exploits the animal.  And although some adults like to watch those videos, they are not for children.

I am not sure how I made through the rest of the day.

The introductory lesson we used in puberty classes for 10 and 11 year olds included asking where they got their information about puberty and sexuality.  I began to ask classes whether they had computers at home and if they had access to the Internet.  Then I asked whether they had ever come across images that upset, frightened or grossed them out.  Inevitably, at least half of the hands would go up.

I wanted to know how they handled it.

Most of them said they would “exit” or shut off the computer.  I also suggested that they tell an adult that they had come across these images so that they could deal with their feelings and have their questions answered.  Hopefully the adult(s) at home could prevent any inadvertent re-appearance of porn sites.

Their admission gave me the opportunity to tell them this was adult entertainment, that it was not a typical representation of how people were intimate with each other; and that it was not helpful for them to continue looking at it at their age.

Back in the 1987, York University’s Dr. James Check said 12 – 17 year olds were the primary consumers of pornography (address at Humber College conference, “Sexuality ’87: Male Sexuality” April 23-24, 1987).  In the age of the Internet, it is safe to say that children and adolescents have free access to explicit sexual images (as well as some very useful information if they know where to find it).  Some kids will seek out pornographic images out of curiosity and/or because they want to masturbate to these images.

Is pornography harmful?

The adolescent/adult use and misuse of pornography has been a pretty hot topic these past few decades.  Feminists, academics (feminist or not) sex educators and religious critics have weighed in on the potential ill effects; e.g., the porn driven sexual scripts adopted by young people, the unrealistic expectations raised by perfect bodies, huge penises and never ending streams of ejaculate, the need for increased jolts upping the ante in visual violence; and the normalization of sexual activities which, although considered repugnant by some, may become an inevitable expectation.

While some adults choose the erotica or pornography with which they feel comfortable, others have become increasingly dependent on it, disturbed by their inability to relate intimately with real, live lovers.  However, while there is plenty of ink spilled on these issues, the academic literature is far from definitive.

We do not yet know for certain the effect of these images on children and adolescents.  “Not helpful” is a safe guess.

Consent and choice

Guiding principles for sexual health education include comprehensiveness.  Talking with children and adolescents about porn is part of sex education.  The cornerstone of teaching about sexual activity is, as always, consent.

When friends encourage them to watch porn, when they are asked to send sexual images of themselves or when their images are sent on for the entertainment of others there is a clear lack of consent.  Talking with older adolescents about pornographic scenarios and the portrayed lack of consent as well as the normalization of violence is critical to their understanding of how damaging some of these scenarios may be to their sexual development.

People who are raising children – and their allies in the classroom – need to face reality: children and adolescents are exposed to images which we do not feel are appropriate for their age.  Frank discussions about the reasons why they should wait until they are older to make these decisions are a critical component of comprehensive sexual health education.  We do not need to be judgmental or prescriptive; but we do need to try to dissuade them from using porn while they are children.

I look forward to the day when erotica and pornography for adults will be like fair trade coffee or chocolate: made by participants who have a stake in the game; enjoyed by people who savour what they have chosen.

In the meantime, this does not include our children.

 

Good sex, forced sex and points in between

Before you click away from one more article on sexual misconduct, what do you think of this: gadgets as the answer to sexual violence?  The article details a number of ingenious repellants to rape.  My first thought was, while a gadget might prevent vaginal rape, the resulting rage may very well provoke physical injury or death.  Surely the answer lies elsewhere.

The article reminded me of the teaching tool I used in high schools – the continuum of consent.  I would draw a line on the board.  At the right end of the continuum, I wrote violent sexual assault.  Starting at the left side of the continuum, I wrote mutual consent, then playful seduction, coercion and so on back in the direction of forcible sex.  The current tsunami of sexual misconduct allegations lives here in the centre of the continuum: coercion due to male entitlement and power.

On a call-in show today, I heard the phrase “feminist agenda” regarding the latest misconduct allegations against local politicians.  The caller blamed media’s political leanings and feminists for ruining careers.  Callers also wanted to know why women do not just walk away from a bad situation.  “She was of age”, is the argument.  Susan Cole writes, “…women tend to want to ‘solve’ the situation rather than remove themselves”.  She adds, “How about talking?  Ask a woman what she wants and when she answers, take her seriously”.

But even mutual consent on the left of the continuum is not always straightforward.

After an early dismissal from jury selection the other day, a young woman recognized me from puberty classes I had taught about two decades before.  She said she had thought of me lately as she was trying to figure out what consent means. To celebrate this unexpected gift of time, we decided to continue to chat over coffee.

She believes one should ask for consent every time.  I asked her, “every time what?  Every time you kiss, every time you seem to be heading towards intercourse?”  She is married and said that her husband knows her so well that consent for any intimate activity is unspoken.

As an educator, my question is, how do we promote affirmative, ongoing consent for adolescents, for adults who have just met, and, yes, even for couples that have been together for years? How do we engage all genders to desire true intimacy and the communication skills to find it?

People who were brought up in a society where rape culture is prevalent may experience misguided expectations leading to miscommunication: mixed signals coupled with a lack of self awareness and clarity.  Even if one has overtly agreed to a particular form of sexual intimacy, there may still be discomfort, distaste or regret during the act – or afterwards.

Zosia Bielski quotes Karen B. K. Chan, a Toronto-based sex and emotional-literacy educator. “We have been saying for a while now that consent is a low bar. It is the lowest bar there is. After that, we need to talk about sexual pleasure and good sex – sex that you actually want to have…” .  Her article raises the notion of good sex .

Lili Loufbourow takes up the issue writing about pain during vaginal sex.

Research shows that 30 percent of women report pain during vaginal sex, 72 percent report pain during anal sex, and ‘large proportions’ don’t tell their partners when sex hurts.”

During classes on sexual assault I would pose the following question: Is it OK to say no at any time?  In other words, is it ever OK to interrupt sexual activity once it has started?  Most students were ready to acknowledge that one could.  The question remains, do we actually do this?

While there may not be pain during a sexual activity, there may not be pleasure either; for example, it may be boring.  If it is not pleasurable, what is the point of continuing?  We agree to sexual activities for a variety of reasons; and we may not be proud of all of them.  We may acquiesce because it is expected, or because of our partner’s needs; we may not want to hurt their feelings; we may not want to jeopardize the relationship; we may hope that it will start to feel better soon – as it sometimes does.  While we may have progressed beyond the Victorian dictum “close your eyes and think of England”, we want a great deal more.  Why should we have to work ourselves into a state of desire with a partner who is unaware of its absence?

I remember an incident with a long-term partner.  I had lost interest in the proceedings and told him so.  He got very angry, sat up in bed and said in a menacing voice, “But I want to”.  That incident could have ended up quite differently than our turning away from each other in distress and anger.

The WHO definition of sexual health includes “the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence”.   No gadget will get you there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your Vagina does not Need Feminine High Jinx Products to Stay Healthy

Lolling in front of the TV one evening, I sat bolt upright when a commercial for a “vaginal wash” appeared on the screen.   The product contains “LactoPrebiotic” to “help maintain a healthy pH balance to fortify natural defenses”. They recommend women “use it every day as an important step towards good feminine health”.  Shades of perfumed, daily panty liners, here we go again.  A healthy vagina should have a “light and fresh scent”.

I assumed LactoPrebiotic was an invented term.  But no, there is such an animal.  WebMD explains,

“Probiotics are “good” bacteria that help keep your digestive system (my emphasis) healthy by controlling growth of harmful bacteria. Prebiotics are carbohydrates that cannot be digested by the human body….The primary benefit of probiotics and prebiotics appears to be helping you maintain a healthy digestive system (again, my emphasis).”

Their marketers have extrapolated benefits from one body system to another.

I found an article examining one of these “daily care for intimate skin” products, including a detailed examination of the ingredients.

I am horrified that these products continue to find a place on the market.

We know how to look after our vaginas; and countless articles have been written about maintaining good vaginal health.  Even this recent article mentions avoiding douching; but it neglects to warn women away from other vaginal cleansing products.  There is plenty of good advice, but also some missed opportunities.

Normal Vaginal Fluids

Vaginal fluids are normal.  Mucus produced in the cervix comes out through the vagina throughout the menstrual cycle indicating the most and the least fertile times in the cycle.  Vaginal lubrication is produced by the Bartholin glands.  Female ejaculate, a clear fluid that is projected from the urethra, is not strictly speaking vaginal but may be perceived as such.

Women who are aware of their normal vaginal fluids will likely be aware when these fluids look, smell or feel different.  Over the counter (OTC) products encourage women to self treat when there is a perceived problem.  I often see ads for OTC yeast treatments; and recently one for Bacterial Vaginosis (BV) came across my TV screen.  The latter surprised me, because the treatment for symptomatic BV is antibiotics.

The other issue I have with self treating is that there are several Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) that produce similar symptoms, like irritation and unusual discharge.  If a woman has had unprotected sex with a new partner, male or female, she would be well advised to have a swab taken to diagnose the problem.  If she has chlamydia or gonorrhea, she will need to take antibiotics.  Her partner(s) should also be treated.  Untreated chlamydia or gonorrhea can result in Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) and eventual infertility or ectopic pregnancy.

I acknowledge that a woman who has had yeast infections in the past and is well aware of the symptoms may choose an OTC medication; but symptomatic BV requires an antibiotic.  It has also been linked to PID.

Bayer has a product that claims it can “permanently beat Bacterial Vaginosis”.

They say it restores the pH balance in the vagina.

There is no guaranteed prevention for BV.

Women coming to the sexual health clinic where I worked would frequently return with symptoms of BV.  I followed the research closely for years as scientists looked for a way to encourage and maintain the vaginal production of the necessary lactobacilli.  They did, however, discover some reasons why women may produce fewer of these bacteria critical to vaginal health.

“Vaginal douching or other washing practices are frequently cited as a cause of disturbance of the vaginal flora leading to the onset of BV. In a prospective study, douching was associated with loss of protective H2O2-producing lactobacilli and acquisition of BV. A case-control study…investigated associations between vulval washing, vaginal washing, and douching and BV… Use of bubble bath, antiseptic solution, and douching was more common in women with BV…”

Vaginas should smell like vaginas

Lysol was once used as birth control (nope, didn’t work) but also to help women practise “complete feminine hygiene”.  For decades, women were told they needed to stay fresh, clean and essentially cover up their natural odours.  But being aware of our personal odour is what helps us to monitor our vaginal health.  My feminist cohorts were railing about this issue from the early 1970s.  Have we come a long way, or are we still stuck in the rose bushes hoping we’ll smell like one?

 

Teaching consent

Sexual health educators have been teaching about consensual and non-consensual sexual activity for decades.  Despite gains made by the women’s movement since the late 1960s, sexism is far from eradicated.  Rape culture, although under scrutiny and challenge, is still the norm.  Sexual harassment and assault are as common as dirt.  How can we make a fundamental change in our society through education?

If all genders are not on board with the concept that consensual sexual activity is enjoyable and fulfilling, we will not make any headway.  If boys and men in particular are not included as allies in this struggle, classroom education will remain no more than an exercise.

I created a lesson plan about sexual assault at least 20 years ago which continues to be used by former colleagues.  It is a two part activity.  In the first part, the facilitator reads a series of statements and asks students to agree, disagree or indicate that they are not sure; in the second part, students work in small groups and read through two scenarios, one told from a girl’s point of view where it is clear there was no consent; and the other from the boy’s.  Then they answer questions on the board which are later discussed by the whole group.

One of the statements in the first part, “It is OK to say no at any time” (during sexual activity) provoked a grade 8 boy to insist that once you had initiated sexual activity, you couldn’t stop.  I asked the class why someone might want to stop (fear, pain, flashback, changed their mind etc.), but this kid wasn’t budging.  So I said, “Suppose you’re on top of her and you can see that she is in pain”.  He said, “Turn her face away”.

That is an unusual response from a 12 year old, but indicative of the far end of the consent spectrum; viz., a total lack of empathy and clear exercise of power.

After each group reads their story, I read them both out loud, where it becomes clear that what happened was not consensual.  I remind them that there are medical issues that need to be explored (Emergency Contraception, Sexually Transmitted Infection testing) psychological/emotional issues (the need for counselling since most people blame themselves after an assault) and legal issues.  Because the stories are written in a way that demonstrate a miscommunication based on the popular cultural ideas we explored earlier, exacerbated by alcohol, I suggest that if the police came to this boy’s door and said they were investigating a sexual assault, he would probably say, “Who got raped?”  We end the class by brainstorming how it could have been prevented.

Gray zone

Girls and women are still seen as gatekeepers in heterosexual relationships.  In spite of the current support for affirmative, ongoing consent, it continues to be difficult for a girl/woman to live this new norm.  Societal ambivalence rules: is it really OK for women to want sexual activity and say yes to it?

I remember teaching that to say no, it is important that tone and body language be congruent; i.e., to say no in a way that is clear and unequivocal.  But no to what?  No means no to a particular sexual activity at a particular moment in time.

People are complicated and so are their desires – they can change during the course of any sexual encounter.

In a more sophisticated discussion with older students, this can be illustrated with a continuum: from enthusiastic mutual consent to playful seduction; to giving in; to coercion; and to forced sexual contact.

People may move back and forth along the continuum from mutual consent to playful seduction during a single or multiple encounters.  One may not initially want to engage in a particular sexual activity, but could become interested.  There is a difference between talking someone into it and turning them on.

There is also a difference between hearing no and ignoring it.  We are familiar with the power dynamic and the culture that facilitates this crime.

For boys/men, saying no to sexual activity with girls/women may be difficult for other reasons.  Society tells them never to refuse what is handed to them on a silver platter.  Women who sexually assault men are more likely to use shame and coercion than force for obvious reasons.

Same gender assault involves many of these same dynamics.

Politics and pedagogy

We want affirmative, ongoing consent to become the norm.

We detest rape culture and want it eradicated.  We are appalled when images and videos of assaults are posted as entertainment.  Good pedagogy includes teaching empathy for survivors in order to eliminate this ghoulish feasting on others’ misery.

While it is useful to explore the underlying ideas that lead to assumptions, miscommunication and/or predation – a simple unpacking may be preferable to political rhetoric.

In their fervour to drive home the harmful outcomes of rape culture, some educators are using materials that are more likely to alienate the boys and young men in the classroom than to enlist them as allies.  We want them to accept the premise that there is an advantage to mutuality in relationships.  I read recently that consent culture is a resistance movement to rape culture.  It is a lot to ask for young men to see themselves as freedom fighters against rape culture and sexual assault.

I think Wiseguyz is on the right track in the way they address young men directly.  There are also some excellent public campaigns like the one from Norway “Dear Daddy” and New Zealand’s “Who are You?” that bring home these messages in a simple, clear and direct manner that appeal to the positives.

Because good lessons on consent and sexual assault are so hard to come by, well thought out print materials can play a role.  I would love to see a good pamphlet which includes the language of consent and refusal as a guide for young people to take home.

There is work to be done.